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| Winnie Nkonde (image by Michael Mpotaringa) |
If you ask
me, I believe it is a privilege to be alive in this era. We have witnessed the
remarkable evolution of
technology and the rise of women in leadership roles, breaking barriers in
traditionally male-dominated areas.
The younger generation, including girls, now know they can achieve great things. Additionally, we have seen former enemies among nations coming together in peace.
However,
amidst all this positive progress in our societies, there is still one area that
refuses to evolve: Parents.
Just recently, social media was buzzing with
the story of a man who tragically took his own life in Cape Town.
Unfortunately,
suicide rates have been increasing across the continent, affecting people from
different backgrounds, age groups, and races.
According to
the Global Health Estimates, South Africa has the third-highest suicide rate
out of all African countries.
This is
alarming!
When such
atrocities occur, major stories often revolve around issues like the
"black tax," love, sex, money, and relationships.
The rapid changes and standards brought about
by our evolving world, coupled with the influence of social media, have made it
challenging for my generation to find authenticity.
Many individuals resort to portraying a false
sense of success and happiness online.
Technology
has brought us closer to a point where we can witness everyone’s daily
successes, as much as we celebrate with them, it can evoke feelings of failure
in others.
Consequently,
countless people find themselves venturing into the depths of darkness, driven
by the pursuit of money, which is often regarded as the root of all evil.
However, amid all these struggles, who do
young people turn to?
Seeking
therapy is not yet widely accepted within the black community, as some may
dismiss it as a waste of money.
This leaves them with only one option:
parents.
Unfortunately,
many of them are also driven by the pursuit of money, constantly comparing
their children to their peers who seemingly provide the most for their parents.
As a young
African woman, based on my personal experiences, I find it difficult to discuss
matters of love and relationships with my parents.
It is considered taboo, and there seems to be
an inherent gap that prevents me from opening up to them about issues that have
the potential to greatly impact my emotional well-being.
‘A child as
young as you can’t be stressed’ they say.
Consequently, young people choose not to
confide in them.
Some end up seeking
guidance from church leaders, which might be a viable alternative. While it may
work for some, the majority are confronted with narratives of waiting for their
time and turn, which can leave them feeling mentally strained and twisted as
they witness their peers advancing in life while they seemingly stagnate.
This leaves
them with ‘friends’ as an option. It is indeed a blessing to have supportive
friends who lend a listening ear.
However,
social media has been inundated with stories of friends airing their friend’s
grievances in public for the sake of likes and attention.
From my
perspective, most young people lack someone they can truly confide in, someone
who can offer them sound advice and listen to their concerns.
Consequently, the number of suicides continues
to rise, and young people resort to extreme measures like prostitution and
gangsters just to gain status in society.
For women,
the challenges are often exacerbated, as some may find themselves compelled to
offer sexual favors to secure and maintain employment.
Our African parents tend to measure success
based on material possessions, but how can we blame them?
Even at family gatherings and funerals, one's
voice often carries little weight without financial means.
It seems we are all living under the same
pressure, as they attempt to prove to their peers, while sitting on their
verandas with greying hair, how successful their children have become.
For us, the
pressure is tripled as we strive to prove ourselves not only to our peers but
also to our parents.
At the end of the day, young people need
parents who will communicate with them, listen to them, and understand them.
They need
parents who will assure them that it's okay to pause, fail, and stumble.
They need parents who will accept them
unconditionally, bridging the gap that has been created by the constant reminder
of ‘I took you to school’.
Conversations
should not solely focus on the positive aspects of their lives; parents should
also address their children’s fears, their worst nightmares, what they
experience, and how the world makes them feel despite their efforts and
failures.
If young
people cannot find solace in their parents, where else can they turn to?
However,
it's important to note that social media, to some extent, has inadvertently
become a platform that advocates for suicide, with some individuals using it as
an outlet to express their suicidal thoughts.
We have
witnessed many tragic incidents, such as people consuming harmful substances or
writing lengthy paragraphs about their exhaustion, and even live-streaming
their suicides. As these ideas become imprinted in young minds, they start to
believe that nobody truly understands their struggles and it is the only way.
As the world
evolves, parenting skills should also evolve.
If parents
eliminate communication barriers with their children and assure them that it is
easier to communicate about anything they go through, while expressing love
even in the worst-case scenarios, we would have taken the first step to reduce
the suicide rate.
It is vital
to emphasize that a struggling child is always better than a lost one.
The Daily Reflections with Winnie